Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I cockslap morals
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
