Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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