dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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