So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
