there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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