whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
