I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
