Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
