My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
