I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
