Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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