I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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