omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I looked at my own cervix.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
