is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
