I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
