Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
