we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You made out with two different species that night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
