He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
