things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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