I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
