he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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