we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
