o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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