i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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