we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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