We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
