Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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