Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
