i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
