I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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