i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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