When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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