I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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