well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
