i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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