Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Four minutes until I can fart!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
