I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
