she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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