I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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