woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
