even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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