mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
did you just send me my own nude
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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