We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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