wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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