I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
