I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
