A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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