??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
