So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
