There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
