She's JV to your varsity
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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