So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
