ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
