i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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