At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
