look no pants
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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