its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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