I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
