my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
