it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
