my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
