please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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