Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
as a side note pls kill me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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