It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
