i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
